Very brief update...

No I haven't dropped off the face of the earth!

Um... been working very hard and am putting together an application for the management development programme next year. Will mean that I need to look into child care so I am looking at getting an au pair. Message me for the website and I will email it to you. Will go into more detail later.

SFB still being a SFB. Kids doing ok. I'm doing ok! G has been really busy working, but we had lunch together last week. I do like him a lot even though I know we don't necessarily have a future. Had a couple of messages from J. Almost over that ;-)

Oh and much to my mother's shock, I have reverted to my maiden name! Yes, I now have a different surname to my kids, even though J wants to use mine now ;-)

Rhubarb and custard

The title to this post means nothing! I can't think what else to call it.

The site I met G on has lots and lots of desperate men wanting to meet me! Whilst it can be flattering, there are really only 3 men I have actually replied to. Of course there's G. Then earlier this week this guy (J) messaged me yet again! He has a good profile on the site and I thought it looked like we actually had a bit in common. So I replied to one of his messages saying 'Well you are persistent, perhaps you had better tell me some more about you.' And he replied with this cheesy witty comment that actually made me laugh out loud. So I gave him my yahoo messenger address and we chatted Monday night. He asked me out and I told him that I was busy until Thursday and he told me he was flying out Friday. Turns out he is a businessman who travels the world living out of suitcases. Technically he is based in Melbourne, but doesn't spend a lot of time there. So we arranged to meet for dinner last night. I texted him yesterday morning with the name of a wine bar I had been trying to remember. An hour later he replied that he would have to cancel because he had 3 teleconferences to sit in on.

Well cutting a long story short, after I replied that that was a shame as I was looking forward to meeting him. So a short while later he texts me saying that he has managed to cancel his last teleconference and could meet me for a drink at around 9.30pm. He did give me an out if it was too late. I told him I would let him know closer to the time. I really tossed up whether or not I should go out so late, with me working at 8.30 this morning. Well... of course I relented and decided to meet him. I had been speaking to T on the phone when he messaged to say he was free.

Long story short, I was so nervous. He told me that I could not expect a relationship because he travels so much. I told him that a relationship is not what I am looking for (but who am I kidding!). Well it started off tentatively and the place we decided to meet at was closed so we walked to another bar. After a couple of gins it closed so we moved on. The next place I suggested had Karaoke night and we both said we had not had enough to drink. So we decided to head towards the Casino. By this stage he was holding my hand and I was tingling. A totally different feeling to G. We have a lot in common (music, good food, wine, failed marriage! LOL!) but he doesn't have kids. LOL. So walking towards the Casino we walk past a bottle shop and we both stop and basically say we could get take-away. So then it was his place or mine. I couldn't believe I invited him back here. I did think of G, but it really helped reinforce that G and I have not a lot in common, apart from the physical side.

I know J was flying out today (Melbourne then OS next week for a couple of weeks) but I also knew I wanted to spend time with him. As he said 'we both jut clicked'. So he came back here. We sat out on the deck and drank more gin and chatted and chatted. Then he kissed me and I melted. Let's just say my purity rating dropped a few notches! I told him last night on the deck that I don't do One Night Stands and he agreed, telling me that he was already trying to work out when he was coming back to Cairns. This morning I had to drive him back to his resort as he was flying out early. He told me how lovely I am and that he can't wait to come back to Cairns and that the way the evening panned out was in no way the way he had planned it or could have planned it.

Then tonight I got home from work to a lovely email from him. This morning he thought he might be able to get back to Cairns in late November. This afternoon it is later this month, very early next! I will admit that I really have feelings for this guy. He is lovely! Don't get me wrong, G is a nice guy too, but J and I have so much more in common.

What a tangled web we weave! LOL!

What's in a name?

I had an interesting conversation with G last night (well I didn't really want to go too much into it, and decided against throwing my $0.02 in...) but basically he asked me whether C is my married name or maiden name. I told him married name and he said that it is going in his divorce papers that his ex has to stop using his surname. I kinda left it because I didn't want to get into an argument, plus the whole surname thing gets my born again feminist leanings at war with the patriarchal choices I have made for my name in the past.

When I married I was young and I was very eager to get rid of my maiden name as I connected it with my father who I not only associated with someone who was very distant i my life growing up, but also totally abandoned me in dying so suddenly when I was 17. To tell the truth, I don't really want to go back to my maiden name. I have toyed with going with my mother's maiden name, but apart from the fact everyone would know the answer to my 'secret question' at so many web sites, it is again the name of a man. I suppose I could see it as my mother's name as I was always so close to my grandfather and he was the last of that line, plus I would be keeping my initial. The other option is to come up with a name of someone else I admire. But when it all comes down to it, what's in a name? is it going to change me as a person? Should I just revert to my maiden name? How do I do this? Is it a big deal having a different surname to my kids? My mother always rings to complain saying "My name is ***" and inserts her surname! I hardly ever use my surname!

October!

October doesn't sound too bad until you realise it is the 10th month out of 12. We are 5/6 of the way through the year. The Christmas Shop opened at work today and was the first department to make budget for the day. Some people are organised.

I am dreading Christmas. I have realised that I have 22, 23 and 24 December as my long weekend off, with 25/12 off as a public holiday. Of course I am working 26/12 as is every employee. It is so tempting to fly to Melbourne to see my family (and the Myer Christmas Windows in Burke St!) but it really isn't feasible. So my mother and brother will come here, my brother complaining he is missing the Boxing Day test match, my mother complaining I am doing too much and me frazzled. Plus this year I have the whole W thing. When I was growing up, we always had Christmas Dinner with the O family. J was my best friend. Her parents had separated when she was about 8 I think- her father bringing his latest woman to the hospital to see her baby sister (child number 4) was the straw that broke the camels back apparently. Anyway, every Christmas her dad and his girlfriend would join us. Looking back, I don't know how D (the mother) did it. Us kids never sensed any tension, but looking back I know it was there.

I am tempted to be a martyr and say that W can come over for Christmas Dinner, but the reality is I don't think that I could cope. Physically I think I would be sick if I had to entertain him in my home. Plus my mother would be making lots of viscous comments about him (hmmm.... perhaps it does have merit!).

I think I will just bury my head in the sand and tell myself it is a long way off and put off making a decision for a couple of months.