The letter...

Then on Wednesday...

We have a PO Box and I often find myself checking for mail only once or twice a week. Last Wednesday I was expecting a package from uni with some software for my computer. So I called in on the way to work. There was a letter from the solicitors who did the conveyancing when we purchased the house. I opened it and it was nothing to do with conveyancing, but rather a letter on behalf of W. The long and the short is that he was asking for spousal maintenance and wants a list of all my assets and liabilities so a settlement can be reached. This from a man who still wears his wedding ring. I turned up at work in tears. Manager was great. I made an appointment with my lawyer and it was wonderful. He reassured me that I had nothing to worry about and I have since received a copy of the letter he sent W's lawyers to say that basically they had buckleys chance of getting spousal maintenance as I work part time and am the sole financial provider for our kids.

Still made me feel yuck though.

more to follow tomorrow night! LOL! This is taking longer than I would have thought!

Mediation

(was going to do a long post but keep being distracted so am signing off for the night and will carry on tomorrow with the lawyer's letter(s!))

Last Monday W and I went to mediation. He thinks he is 'entitled' to see the kids 3 nights a week at least. I stood my ground. In the end we have agreed that he picks the kids up from school on Friday, takes Miss I to dancing and then back to his brother's for dinner. I get them, or they are dropped off at 7.30. He also has them all day on one Saturday and one Sunday a month, separated by a fortnight. This will be predominantly at his brother's, but he can have limited time unsupervised with them. I requested he get an independent psychological assessment, Of course I don't think he will. He seems to think that I need one too. He also thinks I should be on medication etc etc etc! We go back in 6 weeks (5 now!) for more.

I went from there to see Miss I and J's new child therapist. And what an appointment! It was just amazing! She wanted to know all about me as how the kids are reacting (especially Miss I) will reflect a lot on me. She also introduced me to NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) which is a way of reframing thought processes. It deserves a blog post on its own one day...

And another quick thing...

I have just updated my ticker- W (aka sh*t for brains) has redated the separation so I am going with his date of a week earlier!

ahem... ok then!

Just realised it has been much longer than a week since I updated! Oops! Sorry all! No wonder I got the comments from everyone reminding me to blog!

Am onto it! LOL!

What a week...

Yes I need to blog and I have been lazy in bloging, which probably isn't the best as I could have helped myself work through some issues...

So issues that need to be debriefed about (in no particular order really!)

• Mediation
• Meeting with kids child therapist
• The letter from his lawyer
• sick days
• work
• thesis
• Dinner at Ks with the kids
• RSVP
• This week
• Tupperware Party
• finances
• John Butler Trio
• Weight

I am tempted to make each heading or two a blog post to save time and to break it down into 15 minute manageable chunks, but wonder if a stream of consciousness writing might run better!

I am off to have a coffee with a friend (T- C from B&S) and then taking the kids to their child therapy. I am kinda hoping I might be able to nut out some posts then and then cut and paste...

What to do...

We had the most boring training at work tonight. At least I got paid overtime to attend. But still, being told how to sell stuff (product cover) that is a good idea, but perhaps not on all appliances... The whole 'sales approach' really got to me and when he stopped when I mentioned environmental impact of people disposing of appliances rather than getting them repaired.

I suppose I should go back to last week. I was called into the store manager's office last Thursday. She is only new in town (since March or something) and I have always gotten on well with her. Anyway, she asked me in to sit down to run something by me. Looks like she is instigating a team manager position where the person will be responsible for such things as product cover, store cards and the community fund. She pointed out that it would be advertised as she does not just appoint, but she wanted to ensure that it would be something I would want to apply for. I am yet to see it posted though! It is something that I would be interested in tough as it is a whole store initiative and not just one department.

Of course this means that I am committing to the company. I still need to find a way to finish my thesis as I know it will give me more options in the future. At the moment, I would love to be involved in training and perhaps that is somewhere I need to work towards.

In other news the kids are home. It has been great, even though I need to get myself organised. I need to find a babysitter to collect the kids on Thursday nights. Don't really know how to go about it though...

W is back on Friday. Blah. Wish he would stay away. Has got me thinking though about moving somewhere. Don't really want to leave here though. But then again...

Not a very happy birthday

I think this is the first birthday I have ever had where I have not had anything to open. Well I did get a card from my chiropractor and from my boss (and used the coffee and scone voucher this morning at work), but there was no excitement with kids rushing in to wake me, or a partner to kiss me good morning or parents to make a fuss. The kids did ring but I was drying my hair and didn't hear the phone ring.

I went to work and didn't tell anyone it was my birthday. I had told a few people last week that it was coming up, but only one colleague remembered and wished me a happy birthday as we passed in the reserve! I did manage to sign my contract and wrote the date as '4/7/72' which I was quizzed about and my manager wished me a happy birthday, but apart from that it was ignored.

I got a phone call at lunchtime from my friend, G in Melbourne and a text from J who was my best friend growing up and always remembers by birthday. I then rang J tonight and told her my woes and heard about hers! I also got a text from C, a friend up here and I replied saying that life is pretty shitty and we have agreed to meet for coffee at some stage. Will have to do that.

Got a divine Indian take-away for tea. Have half of it left for lunch tomorrow. Would have liked cake, but didn't want to buy a whole one and then eat it, so I had a mars bar from the chocolate machine at work.

So tonight I am having a pity party!

The best $350 I ever spent!

9am I rolled up... Perhaps I should have had a coffee before I went as I did think for $350/hour one would receive coffee!

Anyway, he is very nice to look at, D was right! Sigh! But I have given up on older men!

Anyway, I told him the story and he said that yes supervised access is a good point to start and that is what a court would be advising after his recent attempt on his life. He advised that I get W to agree to see an independent counsellor wrt access to the kids so that W ha support as he said P would be acting in W's interest and not necessarily seeing the whole picture. This is what a court would be demanding if we got there and we have to do mediation first.

Then we got to talking about property... Well lo and behold W is not entitled to half the house! He is entitled to his super and I should offer him some of our artwork (if not all to shut him up) but he has no claim on the house. Seeing it was purchased with shares bequeathed to me and he did nothing throughout our marriage to help grow the portfolio (quite the opposite in fact!) and he made no decisions regarding the management of it then he has no claim. I don't think his mother will be pleased to hear that! The car is mine as it was a gift from my mother and basically he has lived very well for the last 14.5 years courtesy of me. So basically- screw him!

Facing reality...

That is what tomorrow is about.

Sigh...

1) I am seeing the lawyer. Yesterday I went to a hens party afternoon for the future SIL of my friend, D. It was a lovely afternoon, even if the punch was a little strong! One of the ladies there works with my lawyer. She told me he is the best. She also told me that just yesterday his rates rose. Damn. I knew I should have gone earlier!

2) I am seeing H, my supervisor (as opposed to H who I chat with online! LOL!). When my hard drive died I lost everything. Looks like I have most data backed up, but I can't find a copy of my Endnote library- I think it is actually on W's computer. Means I will have to ask him. Bugger

3) it is my last day of being 34. I think the whole infertility thing has had 35 entrenched in my mind as the age at which your fertility decline rapidly. All I can think is that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. i have realised that most guys in the 30-40 year bracket who are wonderful guys are either married and their wives would be mad to get rid of them, or have major issues. I suppose deep down I still grieve that I never had a third child and I doubt I ever will.