Weird Day Off

Started with a visit to my GP. He is lovely. Had a 5th year medical student with him who was as green as! Both GP and I kept quizzing him. Was quite funny really! GP admitted that he didn't think I had been suffering from clinical depression at all over the last 18 months, but rather I was suffering emotional fatigue from putting up with W's depression. Was kinda nice hearing that I am not the psych patient. I did admit though that single life is pretty sucky.

As it was an 8.30 appointment, I decided to go for breakfast afterwards. Had a very nice one complete with chai tea on soy. Came home and tidied the floor in the lounge in 15 minutes. Perhaps flylady.net is right- you can do anything in 15 minutes...

Then went for my long overdue waxing appointment. I think it has been 3 month since I last had waxing done and my eyebrows, underarms and legs were feral! I think I could have plaited my underarm hair! LOL! Did a grocery shop on the way home and picked up a packet of condoms. There are 12 and they expire in 2011. My guess is I will have 12 of them in 2011 still! LOL!

Came home and actually caught up with H online. It was lovely and he was very sweet. He has booked to come to a conference here net May so I may yet get to use some of these condoms! He is very sweet in that he is certain I will have been snapped up by next May but I assured him that is the last thing on my mind at the moment.

This afternoon I got quite down. The thought of going into work for a 12 hour shift tomorrow is not thrilling me, even if I am not in the department but roving.

One other accomplishment for today was that I made an appointment to see a lawyer next Tuesday. I just hope it is worth the $350/hour, but I suspect that if I get to keep this house it will be. He was recommended by a friend of a friend who is a family lawyer and she has told me that I need to get a written psych assessment on W before I let him have unsupervised access. I think what I m beating myself up over is the realisation that the person W became through our marriage was not the man I married and perhaps that has a lot to do with me. I keep seeing myself as a pretty awful person and am having trouble finding things to like in myself. This is not helped by work or by being alone. I feel so so lonely in the house by myself. I rang to make an appointment with R, but she has taken the holidays off.

Tonight I went to see 'Knocked Up' at a special preview screening. It was so amusing in parts, even if it was also crass and the language was very very colourful. I think overall I enjoyed it, but would have preferred to share it with someone. I think I need to look at getting another dog.

What a sh*tty day

Tension aplenty at work. Seems 3 colleagues were caught misusing a staff discount card. One of them was the team leader. All have been dismissed. Has made it very stressful in the department. On top of that there has been no official word on what happened so speculation mounts by everyone, a lot of it incorrect. Word is there is a 'dobber' who dobbed these people in. Some of my colleagues have decided that as I am such an honest person it had to be me. One person in particular who has a personality clash with me just ignored me all shift. At the end of the shift I asked someone what was up with this other person. I was told that it was a personality clash plus everyone thought I was the dobber. Fortunately the store had closed and I was closing registers as I just dissolved into tears. One of the managers caught me and was very reassuring and then got one of the senior managers to come and give me a hug and assure me that all the management team thought I was great. I suppose the harsh reality is that if I found colleagues doing the wrong thing I probably would be a whistle blower. I was told that the best skill I can learn is that my job is just that, a job and that at the end of the day I have to walk out the door and forget about it.

Then another bittersweet- my single parent pension was approved today. With the kids away I feel pretty lonely. I just miss snuggling with someone and 'downloading' my day.

All by myself...

Once again it is so hard to know where to start...

W is still being a prat. I ran into H, my supervisor today and she stressed to me that I need a good lawyer, so I am onto that this week. Doubt I will get legal aid, but I need to do what is best for my kids and I. W keeps telling me I have ruined his life. I bite my tongue as I know he has done it to himsef. I so need to protect my kids from turing out like that!

The hard drive died on my laptop. No data was retrievable. I had my thesis backed up, but have lost some music, photos and bookmarked websites. I got a new Macbook today from work on 12 months interest free. Made sure I got a lower end of the range. Should be able to afford the repayments.


As mentioned above, I ran into H today at the shops. I have made an appointment to see her Tuesday week to spend a day working on my thesis. I so want to get it finished, if only top keep options open. We went to sushi foir lunch and it was lovely talking uni stuff again- reflecting on politics and world events. You don't get that in the lunch room at work! I love working at M, but then again, I think I have more in me.

The kids have gone to spend a fortnight on the Gold Coast with mum. I miss them so much already, even though they left today! So I am all by myself for the next 2 weeks, including my birthday. That will be strange.

W is off to see his parents tomorrow for a couple of weeks- his mother told me a month. I wish he would stay.

"What are your plans for the next two years?"

This was the final question asked at my interview for a permanent position at work today. I had to go through the formal process, but was told by TPTB on Sunday that they were horrified I was still only casual and had no contract. Interview went well. I was able to answer all questions adequately, even if I started off shakily- I told them I wanted the position for stability and to know when I was working. I think I redeemed myself. Anyway... I was told that the position I had applied for has been customised for me- advertised as 29 hours/week, I was told 30+5 for the other role I have been doing, making it a 35 hour/week contract, every second weekend and as few late Thursdays as possible. I think it is kinda given that I have the job in the bag. I still have plenty of self-doubt about my abilities though and was shocked when my manager was shocked that I had no contract.

Anyway, the last question was the above title of this post. I told them truthfully that I wanted to finish my thesis and graduate but felt that the classroom wasn't calling me as much as previously and the stress of it all really puts me off. I was truthful in that I said it was lovely having set hours and not having to take work home etc. Someone, either the 2IC or my line manager who were conduction the interview then said 'and management in the next two years'. I was a little shocked and told them truthfully that it would depend on my family situation, but perhaps if an opportunity came up I would like to be considered. The 2IC then said that I most definitely would be. It was kinda humbling in a way that others have recognised qualities in me that I see as being pushy or overbearing or me not suffering fools gladly type thing. It appears that they have a career path for me at least!

I do want to finish my thesis, I really do. Working 35 hours/week may make it challenging, but I am determined to do it.

In other news... my laptop died again last night. It is at the 'hospital' but I have little hope. Of course the 3 warranty ran out 3 weeks ago. I can do a new one on interest free through work, but will wait and see.

I went for my intake interview for mediation yesterday. I do need to blog about last weekend and the horribility of it (OK! I know that is not a word, but it should be!) and will do that later. Mediator could see my point about access issues and wants to talk through them. I am also going to engage a lawyer at some stage. Probably when the kids are on holidays with Mum.

Speaking of kids... I need to go and read to them! May be back later!

W is a f*ckwit...

OK! So that is old news, I know, but still...

Today is one of my days off for the week. The plan was for me to see the GP, then see R, then get W to sign the form for Centrelink then drop it off at Centrelink then come home for a nanna nap.

Well I saw the GP. He was really good, except for the bit encouraging the kids and I to get up at 6am and go for a walk! He also counselled not to do anything too irreversible for a while WRT W. He also said that W had never verbalised wanting to hurt the kids or me, but could see my wariness at access issues. He also said that the best W could hope for at the max at the moment was every second weekend with a week of the school holidays.

So I see R and tell her all the goings on of the last fortnight. She keeps assuring me I am doing well and agrees with the supervised access. She said she could see W driving off with the kids but only getting 100km away and then thinking what the f*ck was he doing. She advised me to ring the family court and get their advice.

So I take the mail out to W and ask him to sign the Centrelink form that will hand the family tax benefit over to me. He tells me that he has spoken to Centrelink and it is not in his best interest to sign the form. I ring Centrelink from BILs place. They tell me that if I have the kids 100% of the time, I can claim 100% of the payment. W tries to tell them that nothing has been formalised yet so he will not sign the form. He then writes on the bottom of the form that he has 50% of the care and I need to tell the school and sporting clubs that he has unsupervised access to the children. So I tell him that he is shooting himself in the foot and storm off to go directly to the family court. I actually go via SIL's workplace and sit down with her for a bit where she tries to sit on the fence and say what a great job W is doing around the house.

So I rock up at the family court. They no longer do mediation, but give me the government hotline where I can get assistance. So I come home and ring. They can only look at their screen and give me the names of mediator services in town. One is legal aid, the other relationships australia. So I ring legal aid. The lady on the phone can't see how W can think he can get 50% shared care when he is on a disability support pension and tried to kill himself less than a month ago. Yet W tells me he has spoken to legal aid. Legal Aid tell me I can't access their mediation services until I have been separated for 6 weeks. They suggest I ring Relationships Aus. So I do! I have been telling W for 2 weeks that he needs to organise mediation. I speak to someone. Lo and behold when I explain the situation, the first session will be just with me before W is brought in even! Not going to tell him that until after the session either. F*ckwit. He is getting what he deserves. Oh and I won't be taking the kids over this weekend as seeing I have no family payment I can't afford petrol.

And the locks are being changed tomorrow morning too!

Locks to be changed

First... If you see a stupid g**gle ad on the blog, please click as I get paid for it! LOL! In 12 months I have earned $1.47! Someone on another blog was boasting of a $100 cheque... hmmmmm...


Now back to Friday! I had spoken to Miss I's teacher on Tuesday to say that W would not have unsupervised access to the kids for the time being. I worked 12 hours Thursday and the kids stayed with friends. I knew W was collecting them on Friday but he would have his brother or SIL with him. He turns up alone and the school doesn't want him taking the kids. I got the message half an hour later and rang the office to say that he should have had his bro or SIL with him so it was ok. Apparently he was also told that he was only allowed into the school if I had written a note to that effect that both of us had signed. He was not happy about it, but would he talk to me? Of course not. Had to go through his bro and SIL. SIL wanted me to tell her that I had done this at the school. I sent her an email outlining why he was not have unsupervised access. Miss I spent 45 minutes telling me what a rotten mother I was that night.

Last night Miss I had a sleepover. This friend is new at school this year. I discovered recently from her mum that she too was separated, but that the kids weren't aware of it yet (long story, but he has been working/living away for a while). Well Mum (K) rings last night to ask if J wants to go and spend the day with them. I then had dinner there and had a great time chatting with K. We have so much in common- cooking, food, music, awful estranged hubbies! LOL! So a great night!

Then we get home... On Thursday, after W visited on Wednesday and told me he didn't have a key to the house- didn't know where his car keys were etc, I decided to start using the old key (one of the old fashioned ones) that I knew he didn't have a copy of. Or so I thought. I get home to find lights on which I was pretty sure I had left off. And the screen door was unlocked, and the old lock was unlocked and the other lock was locked that I usually don't lock. I rang BIL. Yes he had been here and apparently he had only taken his medications. I told BIl that W had told me that he didn't have a key and that I would prefer he ring first. BIL tried to tell me that W had rung first, but there was no missed call on messagebank or a call register on calling number display.

So the locks are being changed on Tuesday and I have added the ticker to the top of the blog!