I don't think it is me...

But it might be. I mean, what part of "W, I want you to leave" doesn't he get? He has started telling people I want him out, but then tells me he is not going. I am told by work colleagues that they don't know how I am coping. At times I don't either.

Take Thursday for instance. W has decided to make the appointment to see the financial counsellor at Lifeline, as advised by R. Of course this is for this coming Thursday morning. Now every Thursday morning for the last 12 months I have worked at WW as the recorder. It doesn't pay much, but it is pocket money and I use it to buy my lunch/dinner once a week at work. Of course this Thursday I can't do WW as I am working working. So last Thursday he asks me as I am walking out the door with the kids on the way to school to explain our finances again. I just looked at him and he then went into W mode and said I was keeping everything from him and then said he refused to collect the kids from school, even though he knew I was working until 7pm. So I drop the kids at school with them not knowing who is picking them up. I toy with the idea of taking an early dinner to collect the kids and take them home, but then decide that W really can't be trusted, plus he has told me he will be out by the evening. he is also not answering the phone. There were 27 missed calls on the home phone by the time I got home.

So I rang M&J, W's friends who help him with the illegit service they do on Sunday evenings at the nursing home. They agree to get the kids and take them home until I finish work, which is handy as they live close by. I tried ringing home throughout my dinner break and got no answer and when I finished work there was a voicemail from W: "Just returning your call, F". He didn't even ask where the kids had been or anything and then wonders why I want him to go.

There is the possibility of a contract at work. This would mean I only work every 2nd weekend and every second Thursday night. It would mean permanent rates rather than casual, but also I would know my roster from week to week. It is very tempting, especially as I am loving working in electrical.

7.30 Sunday evening and W and the kids still aren't back from the nursing home. And it is a school day and the kids need to get to bed. And dinner has been simmering for half an hour. I know I no longer love W, but I am slowly starting to hate him and I never wanted to go there.




PS- Thanks for the message J- I'm glad you enjoy reading my rants and ramblings. It helps to get them down 'on paper' as such.