Yet another pity party...

Ho Hum...

And yes, again it is my fault, because accepting responsibility is not something W is good at.

To start at the beginning would take up too much space, but let's start at yesterday. Last night we went to see a band (Augie march, one of my all time favourites!) I told W that it could be my anniversary present. Well W wasn't that keen but ended up having a great time! We were at the front and I was singing along and W was tapping his toes. We even were able to have some conversation together which was nice. Then we got home. W insisted on opening a bottle of wine. I wasn't really feelign like any, but had a glass. The rest of the bottle was gone this morning. And he says he doesn't have a drinking problem, it is just that I don't get soft drink so there is nothing else to drink. Whatever.

So I was buggered last night. I have done quite a bit on my thesis during the week, worked 9 hours Thursday and 8 hours yesterday. Then I was working again today 10.15-5.30. Anyway. Last night at 11.30 I was buggered and suggested that I go to bed and we could have a nice breakfast together this morning (the kids were staying at their cousins). So he wonders why at 9 am when I start work at 10.15 I won't respond to his amourous advances (well his attempt!). This is after he had not responded to mine an hour earlier ;)

So I get ready for work. Work a full day. Come home. Cook dinner. Perhaps I should go back to Thursday here... J was home from school sick.He desperately wanted to bake a cake, but I had to work. So I found a great mix together cake recipe and left it with W and J. I got home from work at 9.30 to a fantastically clean kitchen and a yummy chocolate cake. I commented on both numerous times. Last night when I brought it up again I was told that I should be able to keep it clean and it is my kitchen and my responsibility. Whoa! Hold on there a minute honey! My compliments end up being an excuse to abuse me. Strange that.

So tonight... Again he brings up me not going to church anymore and then blames me for the parish falling apart. I told him I was not going to take it. he accused me of having already left the marriage and then tells me that he is so scared that I will leave him.

Leaving is so tempting. Yes to the commenter from the other day (L!) H does still make me smile, but I know he is not going to leave his wife. He keeps reminding me that the grass is not always greener on the other side, but I tell him it is at least different and perhaps I am ready for different.

So W is having another pity party tonight and has gone downstairs to sleep. I am so tired and can't remember the last time I had a 'weekend' yet I am still expected to do everything. The appointment with P on Monday should be interesting!