'Mindfulness'

Apparently we both need to become more like Tibetan monks and practice the art of mindfulness. I get too angry and W either gets defensive, withdraws or gets angry at me.

So for half an hour each day, by ourselves, and half an hour today together (yes, I have a spare hour when i am not cleaning, cooking, tidying, running around after everyone!)we need to practice:

• Observing
• Describing
• Participating
(ie when I get a glass of water I decide if I want a cold glass or a room temp glass, if I want ice,if I want still or sparkling, if I want to add lemon, strawberry or mint etc etc etc)

Then:
• Pay attention to the present with purpose

=> take time
=> focus on one thing at a time
=> be disciplined
=> be non judgmental

(Underlining psych's underlining!)


And because I like to see the amusing thing in things, all this was written on a notepad provided by a drug company advertising... Viagra!



So when we got home I rang the OT who is seeing Miss 8 on Friday. She is horrified that W is talking about leaving and/or suicide in front of the kids and she said that even if it causes him to have a meltdown I need to tell him that this is just not acceptable. She sounded like the first person in a long time who is listening to me (apart from the supermums, especially T!) and noting the effect this is having on me.


So I need to focus again on my anger which belongs to me, is controlled by me, affects me and shouldn't be transmitted onto others... (underlining my emphasis!)

I am confused, exhausted (sitting up to wait for washing to finish at 12.30 last night was a dumb move- I should have just said that the kids wouldn't have hats at school- nit infestation here too!- and be done with it...