I want the abuse to stop

W needs to go back to the clinic, but it is hard to convince him.

I am just sick of the constant abuse I am receiving. I am unable to ask him anything as I know I will get my head bitten off- take this afternoon. We had his SIL, kids and mum who is visiting from interstate coming over to dinner. W has spent the day in bed. I ask him when he has gotten up and showered at 5pm if he is able to help put away some of the shopping (it has been sitting on the back deck for 2 days) and I just get told 'No, if i wanted to do something I would do it, why don't I just go and jump off a cliff?'. It took em all my strength to stop replying that perhaps that would be for the best. I hate myself for thinking this, but it has to stop. He then tells me that I should ring them and tell them not to come. We ended up having a good night and he did bring in some dirty dishes and stack them on the bench which is a start- no scraping of plates or anything mind!

Last weekend was very similar. We were hosting his SILs 40th birthday party. I was the one who did all the cooking, cleaning, preparing etc. On Sunday SIL and I were the ones cleaning whilst he lay in bed.

The only thing he is doing is his uni work and will stay up until after midnight working on that. He shows me no affection unless I initiate something (and even then I usually get scoffed at), hardly even says goodbye to me and the kids when he leaves and we never know when he is coming home.

I feel like I have the entire responsibility of the household on my shoulders- it is almost like I have lost a husband and gained an extra special needs kid.

The sad thing is that if I received a knock at the door by two police officers I think I would be relieved that at least this would be over. And I hate myself for thinking like this.

We see the psych together on Tuesday morning. The kids are staying at their cousins on Monday night and I have suggested we catch up with some childless friends who have recently gone through a miscarriage. I have also suggested we go out for breakfast before the appointment on Tuesday morning. We will see how this goes. If I don't ring the friends nothing will happen.