Tiredness and confusion

My sleeping patterns are a little out of whack. I used to go to bed sometime before midnight (OK- around midnight!) and the alarm would wake me up at 7. I would then rush to get ready for school, work etc and be in a foul mood. So I started setting the alarm for 6.30, but I found I was just lying in bed for half an hour and still rushing. So now it is set for 6. I usually give myself half an hour or so on the computer and then make sure I am showered by 7. Then I can casually get dressed and wake the kids and all. If I am ready I can then rush the kids along. This has meant, however, that I have made myself go to bed earlier too. I am now usually asleep by 11, often in bed by 10.

This last week however I have, again gotten back to my midnight bedtime and tried to keep the 6am wake up going. It has made for a tired me!

The kids are on school holidays, but I still have to work. They had 4 days at Vacation Care during the week and seemed to enjoy that. W has moved into a place he is housesitting for 4 months. When I asked him when he was collecting his stuff, he said he didn't plan to as he has to move again in Jan. The kids love the place he is living at. I think because it is different and there is nothing there- no clutter or anything. My plan is to take at least 2 cartons to him every time I drop the kids off or pick them up. Also gives me more room to decide what he is getting. The kids spent Thursday and Friday nights with him. They actually like spending time there. I find this strange. I don't think they want to live there, and I do hope the novelty soon wears off.

I am working tomorrow so they will spend tonight with him again. They are then going on a camp for 2 nights then back with him for 3 nights. I think I am missing them already!

G was away for almost 2 weeks. He drove his kids down to visit his parents. I got some very nice text messages from him when he was away and spent Friday night with him- he started his 4 days on yesterday so I left at 4.15am. Came home and was awake for a bit then slept for a bit. No wonder I am tired!

I suppose I am confused. It is one thing to get nice text messages and that, but when I am with him he doesn't tell me how sexy I am or how nice I am or offer much praise at all. His cuddles and kisses tell a different story and I know that actions speak louder than words, but it is confusing and I don't really know where I stand.

I probably should be my forthright self and just come out and ask him. But perhaps I am just scared of what his answer will be.