He attempted it

I am utterly exhausted and need to get to bed but have to wait for Miss I's uniforms to finish washing before I can go.

Last night W tried to kill himself. To contextualise it, we had another one of our arguments where I told him the marriage was dead and I wanted him to leave. I also told him that I didn't want to sleep in the same bed as him.

J came in at around 6am and asked where daddy was. I told him he was probably downstairs. I got up around 6.30am and looked downstairs. No W. So I grabbed a quick shower and rang the police. In the middle of describing him I got the bip bips of call waiting. It was W from a payphone. He had taken an overdose of paracetamol and decided an hour later to ring for an ambulance. He was discharged just before 7am when he rang me. He told me he was going around to wait at P's rooms as he had an 8.30am appointment already. I grabbed the kids and we went and got him. I took the kids to school and then him to P's. Rang work to say I was running late and explained things to one of the senior managers who was very understanding. Had to ring them back later to say I wouldn't be in.

P had taken a call from one of the psych registrars at the hospital before seeing W and took him in first. Then he called me in. He asked my version of events and I told him about the argument and about sleeping through the rest. I then burst into tears as I reiterated that I had had enough and couldn't cope anymore and needed time out. I told him that I could no longer take care of an extra child and make his decisions for him. P strongly urged W to consider hospitalisation as he feared that any negative comments from me at home (or his mother for that matter!) could have severely negative impacts on him. He rang around to see what was available and we waited outside. The ideal option is to send him to Brissy again, but they have no beds, so he is in the local public hospital's mental health unit, even though there is no bed there yet. The idea is that he will be there over the weekend and admitted to brissy early next week.

Also turns out that he tried to slit his throat and find his jugular, but the steak knives weren't sharp enough. I did ask him why panadol when we had a whole array of drugs in the medicine boxes. He said they were on top. He also took some ibuprofen. Perhaps it is fortuitous that I had my emergency valium script filled but left the new box in my handbag as I was going to take a strip out and leave it in my locker at work, not that I have ever needed it at work.

I felt P finally listened to me, but again he asked me what my marriage vows were (love, honour, cherish, better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health...) and implied that I had made these vows. He then asked W if he loved, honoured and cherished me and W didn't answer. He asked me the same and about W and I said no. He then asked me if I loved, honoured and cherished myself and I said probably not. I told him how I was physically and emotionally exhausted.

Kids are taking it rather well. I told Miss I that Daddy was very unhappy again and that he tried to hurt himself. Didn't elaborate on that. This morning J said to me (before we knew where W was) that it looked like it was Mummy J and & I now.

I am going to get over the next few days before I make any firm decisions but I am leaning towards trying to find somewhere suitable for W to move to. I am hoping that a 3 week intensive in brissy will help him understand that things are over. Tonight as the kids and I were leaving from visiting he told me again how he loved me and I just ignored it. I am not going to use this as an excuse to go running back to him. He needs to learn to stand on his own two feet by himself.