Daytime post!

Don't know when the last time was I blogged before the sun had set!

I now have my own medicare number. I see this as being a bit of a step as it means I am again my own person, with two dependents! Also means that there is less chance of me chickening out at some stage.

MIL has been a total fruitcake! $10 if you can tell which part of the gene pool W inherited his psych tendencies from! Went to BILs on Saturday evening after work (they had been minding the kids) and MIL almost refused to participate. She thinks I am lying and I am just over it all. I know SIL is too- she was glad to see them back south on Sunday. Kids rang her last night but there was no answer. I'll be damned if she tries to say I am not letting them contact her. Even Miss I thinks they are a little strange! BIL made me say that the reason we are separating is that W is sick and I need to remember that. I am beginning to think that he has always been sick and I just missed it when I was young. Perhaps it all was one massive mistake.

Spent this morning on the phone. Centrelink (more paperwork and they can't process one claim as there is another one in the system, plus W is claiming disability support pension and that is in the system. It is all confusing!

Then spoke with W's shrink down there. He doesn't think W is a threat to anyone at present, but acknowledges he can get sad and angry. Told me W is on his way back here this afternoon and will stay with his brother. he strongly suggested mediation to get us both parenting on the same page. More bloody same page crap! LOL! He suggested we use P (I don't think so!) or R (maybe... but I am enjoying having a clinical relationship with someone and don't want to share if you kwim!). I will speak to K, the child therapist tonight when the kids see her as I know that centre has mediation facilities and it would be with a neutral person. Shrink also told me that he has emphasised to W that he needs to go into mediation with an open mind and reminded me that I need to too.

So I then rang the women's legal service. They were great. I was told to go with my gut instinct and reminded that shared care was not really an option for a person with a psychiatric illness, nor one on a disability support pension. She said mediation for access is fine, but not to discuss property over mediation- that needs to be done via solicitors letters. I was encouraged to ring again when W gets his own place and things change a little. Centrelink told me that they would give me an advance on my payments if needed. Means W can get an advance on his for a bond. I might qualify for legal aid, depending on the value of our assets. Even still, she said that I would be able to get legal advice against the equity in the house.

Work has been interesting. I was convinced last week that I wouldn't get a contract, but then a chat with my manager on Sunday gave me some encouragement. It is all up in the air and applications close on Friday. I did hear 6 people were going for the 2 contracts, but I think it is now down to 4. I had to go for an interview at a job network place yesterday as I will need to be working 15 hours/week to qualify for single parent payment. So a 29 hour/week contract sounds good.

My anxiety has been surprisingly ok. I think in the last fortnight I have taken 6 halves of Valium. Not even taking one every shift. When I do take it it does help though- finally something to help with the anxiety. Pity it is addictive. I know I can stop taking it though at any time still and I am not using it constantly.

Sleep is an issue for me and the kids. J is usually pretty good at going to sleep but migrates to my bed during the night and wants to be so close to me he kicks and punches and lies against me. Miss I often won't go to sleep in her bed. I need some down time so have been staying up until midnight most nights then waking early. I think the birds usually wake me. I have been waking anytime from 5am onwards. Perhaps it is me sleeping lightly or something. I am dreaming a little more too- very weird dreams at times too. One was that my manager was playing footsies with me under the table at a work dinner. That was very very freaky!

People's reactions have been very supportive on the whole. I think a lot of outsiders can see what I have been putting up with. Don't know if that makes it easier or harder. The kids are going to the Gold Coast with Mum for the school holidays. I will probably be working, but depending on the contract situation I may take a week off to go down. Then again I may have more fun up here by myself and be able to use some constructive time to get Ws stuff organised to get out.

All very complicated, but I am really at ease with my decisions.

Finally, a friend sent me this link telling me the world was about to end: http://www.paramountzone.com/virtual-boyfriend.htm ! With stock levels as they are, perhaps it will! LOL!