Exhausted and overwhelmed

Where to start...

Yes, another whinge from F.

W has improved slightly, but perhaps I am expecting miracles overnight. Last week’s appointment with P went quite well. W was told that he was being so immature and self-centred and that if he didn’t change his ways then he would probably be left on his own. I think that shook him a bit. Tuesday was our anniversary. He did a potato bake for dinner and I cooked steak when I got home. He bought me a chocolate heart, but J found it and ate it. I didn’t need the chocolate anyway. I got him a card and wrote a long bit in it basically telling him that I felt there was still hope but that we both had to change. I don’t really know if he read it as he never commented.

I worked over 47 hours last week and am rostered for 48.5 this week, plus my shift on Friday will probably be extended. Today was my seventh day in a row. I get Thursday off, but I am cramming so much into it that it will not be a rest day. I am exhausted. One lady at work (who only does 9-2.30 a few days a week and refuses to work evenings or weekends) had a go at me 3 times today over trivial things. She had the gall to stand chatting to two other sales people and then when I was reading the memos that you have to read each day and she was doing bugger all answered the phone and gave it to me as I ‘looked like I needed some work to do.’

I almost burst into tears on the spot. Because you have to apply for days off 3 weeks in advance, I forgot to put in for Wednesday which is the kids’ presentation ceremonies at school. The P-2s are doing an Aussie Nativity thing where the Preps are dressing up as Aussie animals or in beach clothes and singing the Aussie 12 days of Christmas. All the kids are presented with certificates that complement them on an achievement for the year. It is a big deal. I am so cut that I won’t be there. W may be able to make it, but he isn’t sure. I's ceremony is in the afternoon. W has an exam so won’t be there. Only 3 certificates are given out per class (academic, citizenship and all rounder) and I don’t think I will get one. She is singing in the choir and playing in the Junior Strings. I have missed every choir event all year. No one will be there to see her. I cry every time I think about it. I am working so much and so hard and yet we still can’t pay all our bills. I am not even contemplating Christmas presents. Teachers are getting a bottle of wine from our wine rack. I feel like a cheap skate. The kids are making home made cards to give to their friends. W has been to centrelink so we should get some more from them soon which might help.

I think a lot of my whinge is exhaustion, but I feel like a crap mum at the moment. I know the value of partnership in your child's education and I feel so distant from it all. Miss I is fine about it all and keeps coming and patting me on the back. W only suggested I ring my brother and see if he will come up for the day. I told W that I didn't think it was appropriate.

W has exams all week and is set to fail the lot. I don't think he has passed one thing this semester. He will possibly get sups and has put in for special consideration. He saw P by himself today then came and had coffee with me and proceeded to spend 10 minutes saying how P doesn't understand and after being told that he had to plan each day found that was too hard. I almost slapped him. I just went off to the loos at work and cried.