I want to give up...

Well I suppose complacency means that old habits creep back in...

After quite a nice weekend...

We were driving home from BILs last night at 6.45 and Miss 8 says 'What are we doing when we get home?'. I tell her that everyone is tired to it is straight to bed. She is exhausted and protests that she wants to watch 'idol' (or as I refer to it idle!). I say no, that she will be having a shower, getting ready for school tomorrow and going to bed. Mr 5 actually admits he is tired! A first for everything I suppose! Well Miss 8 got upset and in the car W just blasted me for making Miss 8 cry. He later admitted that if she was allowed to watch telly then she would fall asleep! As it was she was in bed asleep at 7.30!

Then this morning! To cut a long story short... Mr 5 broke the toaster a few weeks ago. We are out of all cereal except rolled oats. W wanted to sleep in. No reason really, except he rebelled about having an early night because I had made the kids go to bed. So I am trying to cut lunches, W usually makes porridge, but this morning decides not to- no time. He actually tells Mr 5 that he can have some licorice for breakfast! I say no! (surprise surprise!). Mr 5 gets upset. W ends up smacking him. Later on he blames me.

So before we go to the shrink this morning I get the mail from the postbox from the last week. We have a coffee as we open some of it. Bill after bill he flashes in front of my eye until we get to his mobile bill. His mobile was disconnected a couple of weeks ago and he is yet to ring up about it and arrange a payment scheme. I asked him what *he* was going to do about it. Bold move on my part, but perhaps not the smartest. His sick leave finishes in a few weeks and he is yet to organise anything else. Hasn't been to centrelink or anything!

So we get to the shrink. W is upset. P confronts him about things (including parenting on the same page as his partner!) and W just withdraws. P tells him that he needs to stop withdrawing. I am asked to leave the consult at the end, which means W is being asked about his suicide risk status. I feel like the bitch from hell. So instead of going into uni, he is in bed. I am leaving him to it.

Sometimes I really think that in the long term a massive heart attack or whatever may be for the best.

But then I read the post before this and remember how much i do love him.

Life is just shitty.