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We went together to see the shrink yesterday morning. It had been a pretty good fortnight. We had talked together over a jigsaw and even though when we had put all the pieces in we found we were missing 3 pieces, so be it- it didn’t really matter.

W got a very bad result on a take-home exam. He totally missed the point and ended up with 10%. He actually went and saw his lecturers and for them to go through it with him which helped. They are not worried about this subject as his other results have been pretty good.

Of course W hasn’t organised any couple time. I have tried to organise a bit, but I also understand it is the end of semester and exams are next week.

It started off as a pretty ordinary session with P. I commented that W appeared a little more positive about things. I talked about how I was finally getting back into my office at uni and had written 100 words in the last fortnight! Hey from not writing anything since last September this is an achievement! Then I commented that W likes the post-traumatic stress model to explain last year’s events in the parish. P really challenged W on this and said that it wasn’t a trauma we went through- at no stage did we fear for our lives, even though it was a very stressful time. I suppose I agreed with P and commented that I just wanted to move on and felt I was doing this but W was having trouble doing this. W made quite a few comments and tried to challenge P. Not a good move! W was never going to change his shrink’s mind which is not a bad thing in my mind...

Anyway. After the session W was meant to go out to uni to see his lecturers. He just wanted me to drive him home. I made him a cup of tea and he came outside to drink it. After he had finished he made it very clear he didn’t want to talk to me so I went on doing some of the things that I needed to get done. I range my good friend T who lost her bundle over the weekend and had herself admitted to a psych hospital after the changeover of her antidepressants was handled in an ‘interesting’ manner.

W came inside, threw his mug down, breaking it and went and lay on the bed and sobbed and wouldn’t even talk to me. I rang Ps office and P rang back an hour or so later. W spoke to P and appeared a little better. P spoke to me and said we need to keep reminding W of the positive things- like the good marks in his law course, him taking action to see his lecturers etc etc etc.

W finally suggested we go out to lunch so we did. It was a pleasant enough time. W was very edgy and conversation was pretty neutral. On the way home we stopped off to look at laundry hampers. I could see no problem with the one we have had for the last 5 years, but W has other ideas. He wants one that you can divide into three compartments so his underwear doesn’t have to mix with his clothes and so my underwear doesn’t have to mix with his clothes. I told him I thought this was a little strange and he complained I was calling him strange. You can imagine the rest. I put my foot down and said I was not going to spend $100 on a new hamper when we could make do with what we had and perhaps change its location (it is too big for the bathroom). I thought he was ok with this, but later it appeared he obviously was not.

He appeared a lot better when we got home so I asked him if he was able to collect the kids from school and take them to Auskick (at school). He said it would be fine. He even took a chair to sit on to watch them. I set about rearranging laundry hampers. I got the large one into our bedroom after I moved a small chest into the wardrobe etc. I also found one for the kids that could go in their room, but the base was mouldy so I scrubbed it and then bleached it.

I was in the laundry when they got home. The first thing I heard was J crying and screaming. I was too. Then I heard W he was really yelling at them. I went out to see what was going on and W was going right off at them. He wanted them to bring their bags in and J had come through the gate without his bag so W walloped him across the backside. Both kids were hysterical. I asked what was going on and W simply said to me ‘Look what happens when I’m sick and you make me look after them’. I got the kids to come upstairs and sit down and asked W to join us. He was very edgy and flighty. It appears the kids had argued about who was going to sit in the front seat on the way home. Instead of getting both of them to sit in the back, he struck both of them and I (who is the elder one) voluntarily went into the back seat. J still complained, so W struck him across the neck, leaving a red graze. Apparently he also slapped I across the face.

I was absolutely horrified. When I got the kids to come in and watch telly I tried to talk with W, but he didn’t want to listen. He is going back to see P on Thursday by himself and I have told him he is to bring up his violence. Of course he won’t own it and says it is my fault. I think deep down I know that if it happens again the kids and I are off until he checks himself back into hospital. I think deep down he is scared that T checked herself in and has really risked a lot with her career etc to do this, but ahs acknowledged that it is the best thing for her family. W has 4 exams next week and after that he will be on notice. Any further violence and we are out.

I had to explain to Js teacher this morning that W was quite ill again and that he had lashed out at the kids. She was really understanding. I know if it was a parent in my class I would have gone straight to the principal to let him/her know as really it warrants mandatory reporting. Perhaps I am going overboard, but I do not want to put my kids at risk.

I really need to get to bed. I am yet to get up and walk. Oh and on top of that my weight is so much that when I fronted up at the Blood Bank for the fist time in 11 years they told me they couldn’t find a vein. I did tell them I would be back when I had lost some weight... Easier said than done...